blog of truth...mostly

to everyone for the last year
especailly dan
i never meant to hurt him like that and it fills me with guilt every day

i must be cheery this year

u smell

i am bored
i am being ignored
and the lap top i am on is really hot
i want WOW to go to hell
and star wars
and vanguard
and LAN
i just dont care
grrrrrrrrrrr

she is really pretty
i mean scarily so
and she seems really really really nice
and i am evil
i am just waiting for him to realise it

i am so nervous that he is going to remember all of those things and bugger off

on the brightside i went on my exe's motorbike today (120 down the A12, as you do)
that was really fun
but he is still an arse

thougt some people might take it if i put it on here
http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/90056

and now hes going to HER house, to fix HER computer, and i wont know what happens. and what if he remembers what he like about HER.
SHES pretty, ive seen a picture. very smiley.
what if SHE tries to get him back. what if they fall in love all over again.
this makes me really uncomfortable.
oooooh craaaaaap

confuzzled
am really happy with james.
love him lots.
but am still trying to sabbotage myself. am forever thinking he is going to leave me. i think i have been hurt to many times. putting all my hopes in the metaphoric basket. only to have it runover!!
i think thats the reason i am so insanely jealous of his ex. i am so sure he is going to go back to her. i am even more sure she is going to try and get him back, i dont even know why! she has shown no signs of this, but there you go.
i think i want to meet her, but im not sure, i am worried that if i did, i would like her and feel so guilty. i feel i stole him.
i am worried someone is going to steal him from me.
and i am worried that my worring will make him go off me! vicious circle much!
bugger.