blog of truth...mostly

My mind would settle

I can't stop thinking.

And what I am thinking of might break me forever.

i dont know what to do. james has had the worst month and a half in the 'book of modern bad week and a halves'
what with being in a car accident, losing the flat of his dreams, hurting his back (badly), losing his job and on top of that having the worls most interfering friend he is very stressed, depressed and anxty.

and i cant help in the slightest, all his mother does is yell (and sometimes hit him) she only cares if she gets her money each month, his friends try but james is stubborn. so its just me. i am mostly just trying to be there for him, letting him know hes not alone in this, but its so hard to watch his world fall down around his ears and just be there to hold his hand, rather that trying to hold it up.

also, sometimes he gets angry with me, because he has no one else to get angry with, and i know that he is just stressed (and that he would never mean it, or hurt me because of it) but when he is getting arsey at me, it seems like i have failed him completely.

i am just completely out of ideas

all of you have written such new and interesting things!

but now all my exams are over

im off to norwich this september

and i have a summer to realax

or at least attempt to! who knows what this week may bring!

last couple of weeks have been pretty rubbish (apart from bridesmaiding it up at an extremly lavish wedding!)
my friend was assulted in castle park for, essentially, wearing black and having long hair (it was a he) which means i have lost a lot of hope in the public of colchester.
not only this but my grandad has been taken into hospital for a heart bypass (which we werent sure he was going to get because of him having gaut aswell) but he managed to get through the operation, but is still in lots of pain and wont eat anything. this is the grandparent to which i am closest and am so scared that something bad is going to happen with out me getting to say goodbye (am crying just thinking about it)
along with all this, the 'friends' i go to college with have as good as started ignoring me. i never see them, i never talk to them, the only friends i have are friends with my boyfriend which would be a big problem if it were to end!
i feel really lonely, because i dont have any female friends to talk about girly things with!its just a bit lame to be honest.
after 7 years of being with some of these people i no longer feel like i have any connection with these people. its terribly depressing

i might blog again in a minute but this is getting a bit long! lol

to everyone for the last year
especailly dan
i never meant to hurt him like that and it fills me with guilt every day

i must be cheery this year

u smell

i am bored
i am being ignored
and the lap top i am on is really hot
i want WOW to go to hell
and star wars
and vanguard
and LAN
i just dont care
grrrrrrrrrrr

she is really pretty
i mean scarily so
and she seems really really really nice
and i am evil
i am just waiting for him to realise it

i am so nervous that he is going to remember all of those things and bugger off

on the brightside i went on my exe's motorbike today (120 down the A12, as you do)
that was really fun
but he is still an arse

thougt some people might take it if i put it on here
http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/90056

and now hes going to HER house, to fix HER computer, and i wont know what happens. and what if he remembers what he like about HER.
SHES pretty, ive seen a picture. very smiley.
what if SHE tries to get him back. what if they fall in love all over again.
this makes me really uncomfortable.
oooooh craaaaaap